Becoming a long-term caregiver will take you through stages of caregiving that are often referred to as a “career of caregiving”. How well you manage stress and your level of flexibility and adaptation to your loved one’s needs will impact on how you are able to cope with the transitions during your caregiving career.
Stages of caregiving include:
- Preparation for the Role
- Completing the tasks and responsibilities of caregiving
- Detachment from various levels of caregiving
Source: Aneshensel, C. S. Profiles in Caregiving, pp. 349-353.
How well prepared you are will certainly impact on your experience of the second and third stages. But, really, how many caregivers are given the opportunity to fully prepare? Realistically, a caregiver climbs a mile high learning curve where they need to become medical connoisseur, system navigator extraordinaire, assertive advocate, financial guru, and legal expert all in one. For many, this has to be done while balancing a full or part-time job, children, grandchildren, spouse, and any other relationships and responsibilities, never mind your own health, mental health, social life and overall well-being. I don’t need to tell you that this can be frustrating and exhausting, at best. Without a strong network of friends, family and service providers, anger and exhaustion can become overwhelming. No matter what each stage of caregiving brings, you need to have information and support to help you provide the best care possible. You’re not alone. We can help you find the resources and people you need to take care of yourself – taking care of yourself means that you will be better able to take care of your family member or friend.
Throughout your caregiving career, you’ll notice that your family member or friend requires an increasing amount of help. This can be frustrating for the both of you, as you will have begun to assume the obligations and responsibilities that they were used to taking care of for themselves. Accepting the deterioration and identifying the issues that are associated with the illness will help you cope with the role transition that you are experiencing, as well as the changing nature of your relationship with your family member or friend. During this time, flexibility is key. You will need to develop stress and time management skills that are necessary to cope with changes and increased demands that will occur over time.
As you enter into the second stage and start to take on more and more daily tasks related to caregiving, it will become increasingly important to take advantage of resources in the community and whatever government programs and services you and/or your loved one are eligible for.
There may be a time when you will need to transfer your loved one to an institution. When this happens, you might feel guilt and failure for not being able to meet their loved one’s needs. These feelings are very common, you are not alone. But, know that transition to an institution does not mean failure and it does not mean that you care any less. Rather, it is a recognition and acceptance that a long-term care facility is better equipped to provide for the care and safety needs of your loved one. It is also a recognition and acceptance that the caregiving role has become too overwhelming and exhausting – it is an assertion of your right to take care of yourself. Furthermore, acceptance of this change will often lead to learning new strategies for helping in the care of your loved one, even while they are in a long-term care facility.
Long-term care placement is one aspect of the final stage, where there is a detachment from various levels of caregiving or a change in the extent of your caregiving tasks. Death is another factor leading to detachment. No matter what the reason for detachment, transitioning out of the caregiver role is an adjustment that will take time. Do not expect your life to return to normal right away. The social structure you knew, the friends you had and activities you did, may not be the same as it was before you started caregiving. Give yourself time to re-establish or re-develop your daily routine.
And, remember, each caregiving situation is unique – no two caregivers will experience the same circumstances or transitions from stage one through three. There is no one way of caring. With the right information, resources and support you will be able to care in the most appropriate and positive way for your loved one…and for yourself.
For links to community-based support, government programs, long-term care placement and other important information, please see our wide range of CHATS Programs and Services, as well as our Caregiver Resources listing.